Ask a Liberal

Hey Lib,
Does the auto industry deserve a bailout?   
Sincerely,
Tailfin in Ypsilanti, MI

Dear Tailfin,

Of course the auto industry does not deserve a bailout. Whether or not they should get one is another question entirely. People constantly get things they don’t deserve—it’s the reason Hank Williams, Jr. has a career. The big question is what action best serves the common good. In the case of Mr. Williams, that would mean a graceful retirement. The case of the auto industry is more complex.

Hey Lib,
OK wise guy—to paraphrase Robert Redford in “The Candidate,” “What do you do now?”  
Sincerely,
Still Red in Visalia, CA

Dear Red,
First thing I do is google the phrase “hangover cures.” You might want to do the same thing. Since your drinking isn’t celebratory, I have a feeling it might last the next four (or hopefully, eight) years. I know how you folks love your Jack Daniels, but you might want to stick to the clear liquors—they’re a lot easier on the internal organs.

And if you’re like your red brethren, you may be heading down to the local firearms dealer. Gun shops around the country are reporting sales of up to seven times the average in the days after the election. I find it ironic that Obama was pilloried for saying that many Americans cling to guns and religion, but then as soon as the race was called for Obama, the McCain voters reached out for their 9 millimeter security blankets. It seems Obama was right about the “guns and religion” thing—well, at least the “guns” part. I’ll wait and see if there’s an uptick in church attendance.  

We liberals are more likely to see these things as part of a pendulum swing of decades-long cycles of Republican damage and Democratic repair. No one party is dominant for long. If conservatives ran this country continuously, we would slip into a scenario like “The Road Warrior,” with the difference that Mel Gibson wouldn’t be one of the good guys.

Dear Lib,
Now that Obama is our nation’s first African American president, does that mean racism is a thing of the past?
Yours truly,
American Hopeful

Hello Hopeful.

My immediate answer is no. After much thought, my answer is no. Think about this—it took America forty-four attempts to elect its first African American president. That means we had forty-three white guys before there was any change in the White House. Forty-four white guys to one black guy—there’s still some catching up to do.

Also, there’s still the “issue” of Reverend Wright. Prior to Election Day, media, pundits, and ordinary citizens were able to demonize or allow Reverend Wright to be demonized for his “outrageous” comments simply because he is black. There are plenty of white pastors out there who’ve made extremely controversial comments and weren’t treated the same as Wright (Hagee, Robertson, Falwell). Even this morning on Good Morning America, a video clip was played of Reverend Wright speaking at the Kingdom Life Christian Church. Wright said:  

“We've come a long way and we have a long way to go, and I hope this conversation tonight is one of the many steps. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Barack Obama -- their success should not lull us to sleep.”

Dear Lib:
What's all this fuss about not voting? I live in West Hollywood. Voting sucks.
Yours truly, Apple Pie

Hi Pie.

Listen, you don't need to vote. Seriously, we have your back. Unless of course I don't vote either, and neither does my friend Tessa in West Hollywood, and then none of her friends vote, and none of their friends vote, etceter and so on. Really, it should be okay. Because when you look at the way your district votes, there are no Republicans at all, right? Cool. So there's no way your not-voting matters. Got it.

Something worth considering here: Al Gore got the popular vote, but lost "by Supreme Court" (try to find that in the rule books). How does that figure here? Well, Obama might win (but not necessarily if everyone is as lazy as you are), but even if that's more or less true, it's better for him to enjoy a resounding win, get a mandate, etc. And it's better for us. And the Reverend Wright ad is nasty, and might be stronger than we think. (See below.)

Let's face it, if things go well, the GOP is going to throw all manner of foul attack in the new president's direction. They are going to do to Obama what they did to Bill Clinton: Try to sidetrack his work with toxic generalities and all manner of non-issue. This will be harder to do if those attacks are coming from a political fringe. If you vote, and your friends vote, and their friends vote, the GOP itself may finally be revealed as the fringe group group of social whack-jobs that it's always been.

Here's another reason to vote: to say that you did. This is a history-making election. Don't you want to say you were part of it?

Happy Election Day Eve.

Hey Lib,
Your answer to this will be up beyond Election Day. Do you care to make a prediction?
Sincerely,
Challenger in Bellefonte, PA

Dear Challenger,
I absolutely will make a prediction on who wins this election. And let me be the first to congratulate President-elect Bob Barr of the Libertarian Party. What the heck, if it pans out, I look like a genius, right?

I will also hazard this guess: Barack Obama will, under no circumstances, win this election. I say that of course to avoid inviting the anger of the jinx gods. Anybody reading this in the aftermath of the greatest election upset in modern history, take note—it’s not my fault! I refuse to celebrate prematurely and become the Leon Lett of electoral politics. For those non-football fans out there, Mr. Lett, despite a stellar career, is best remembered for holding the football out like a Christmas goose as he cruised to a certain touchdown in Super Bowl XXVII only to have it knocked out of his hands by Buffalo’s Don Beebe. Lett’s gaffe didn’t affect the outcome of the game, which was a Dallas romp, but he became the poster boy for over-confident imbecility. What I’m telling Barack Obama is that I don’t care if the game score is currently 52-17—you hold that ball like it’s your only child.