Flickr: Creative Commons by aflcio2008

Okay let's start with the whole "Country First" business and the "USA" chant. Why? It's the logic of the GOP, they might as well be chanting, "Ham and Cheese."

A gift from heaven: "I fell in love with my country when I
was a prisoner in someone else's." You were in your twenties, right? Isn't this the same thing Michelle Obama said about her love of country? Presumably if you fell in love at the Hanoi Hilton, you were hitherto not in love with America.....before that?

Patriot: He wants to reach out to us? "I know these are tough times..." That's how McCain began, and up goes the "USA" chant again. Why? Come now. It doesn't matter if things are tough. The "USA" chant is "the ground noise and the static." (His words.) Big cheer. Huzzah. The woes of our economy. "USA!" Fine. What does he intend to do about it? "Stand by our side." Great. I'd rather have him pay my bills.

And then comes the nonsequitur: Sarah Palin and her wondrous executive experience! Yay!!!

Here's another nonsequitur: John McCain is a kept man. Never made a dime. (Okay, he made a dime, and inherited some money but...)

"I will make them famous and you will know their names.... I fought lobbyists who stole from Indian reservations" Okay, great. I'll believe it when I get the frisbee you promised me the last time you ran for president, you old fuddy duddy. As for fighting lobbyists, you must do nothing but fight. Your campaign is run by them.

War talk. Let's talk about that. We have lost the war. Next! Or perhaps you are talking about another war? You are a fighter. Yes. Or perhaps (I know I repeat myself) you are looney?

"We are going to recover the people's trust...[we] are going to get back to basics." I like this. It totally rocks. So, if everyone has the opportunity to reach their "God given" potential, if you can do that Senator McCain, I will vote for you. Problem is your politics of choice is a euphemism for politics favoring rich people and ideologue wingnuts. You'll help folks so long as they don't need an education to realize their goals. You'll double the child tax refund because God wants more GOP children populating the world. Or am I missing something?

"We need to shake up failing school systems with competition." Okay, let's pretend I live in your warped world of sad clowns and pants-less balloon artists. Yech. All right: so I close my eyes and listen. Who are you? Come on, you know. Your John Bickerbutt McSame. This is Bush v. Board of Ed all over again.

And now for dessert, that old chestnut isolationism. John McCain says no more money for countries that don't like us. Drill baby drill. I feel it coming on. Yes, there it is!!! Drill baby drill! He pulls out the lading list of green power. Not. He wants to turn the world into a parking lot, folks! Or he'll do it for us, because he loves us so. You can't solve the energy crisis for SUV drivers and foster a healthy planet. Move on....

Ah jobs. Indeed, to discuss this we must talk about the war on terror and al-Qaeda. Here is the war on Iran. Russia is on his shopping list. It's manifest destiny!!! Yay again. Googleplex yay. I like Ike's warning about the military-industrial complex. Naomi Klein, you call this the Shock Doctrine, no? McCain says he's not afraid of our enemies or military issues, he's prepared for them. Are you kidding? He'll wither on the vine without these enemies and issues--they're the only things that can keep W's economy rolling.

Statement: "I hate war. It's terrible beyond imagination," and he will build "a stable and enduring peace." Okee doke. We know you have scars and stuff, which will make you better at diplomacy than Barack Obama. Got it. And I know I technically have to stop saying mean things about McNasty at this point because he's talking about the part of his life that is more or less off-limits. That said, PTSD does not a qualification to lead the free world make.

The "fight, fight, fight" part was so Jimmy Stewart! Wowza. God bless you, you old koot.